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Week Ending 22 January 2012

January 22, 2012

FIVE THINGS I’VE LEARNT THIS WEEK

 

 

The bigger and/or the elder must make the move
Quite frankly here is yet another no-brainer. I often go for people a few years younger than me when I look for potential partners and thus I am frequently the “big” older guy so unsurprisingly I am often expected, it would seem, to make the defining move.
Last autumn however I did not follow this otherwise rather sensible rule. I had my chances and did not really take them, either fudging the issue or merely hoping that those I desired would come after me. And so what did I get come 31 December? A big fat nothing. With this in mind I resolved to be more forward, to grab the bull by its proverbial horns and thus ensure it would not be me who would miss out in future. So far this year the statistics are good, manifesting themselves in numbers, with the all-time classic friends with benefits being a particularly successful policy!
And I’ll leave you on this point with one thought. After last autumn’s lengthy near-pursuit (mentioned in a previous post): having thought about the whole situation it is entirely possible, that the boy (the guy I so wanted last autumn and the subject of several blog posts so far) may not even be aware that I am actually interested in that way as the pursuit has been along friendly lines. Indeed he may have just assumed that I am a friendly (which I am) person who likes him and wants to get to know him because we have things in common. It is just as well I woke up and realised that it needs to be me who has to make the move. Game on I say!
What are your experiences like?

 

 

Where have your long lost friends Killer Instinct and Ruth Lessness been all these years?

 

I think it is time to (re?)develop the killer instinct as it appears not to have been there in the first place….The killer instinct is a vital cog in anyone’s armoury however it appears to have gone missing from mine, indeed AWOL would be a more appropriate phrase.

 

To succeed this year and beyond it is going to be need to be at the forefront of everything I do and I think the realisation, nay emancipation, of this aspect on Wednesday last week is gonna be so important. This was an exceptionally timely reminder of what is needed to rise up and above the challenges ahead and exceed the targets which I have set.

 

The killer instinct can be applied to any number of situations. Since my own personal glasnost last September that there have been a multitude of situations where I have been found lacking. In dating alone this included sealing the deal, a lengthy date pursuit, not grabbing the opportunities when they came, club situations together with failing to take advantage of events as they occurred in real time. Even on NYE/NYD my killer instinct was half asleep. And how about those five job interviews in the first week of my new role. In being too half-hearted and almost prioritising a temp role over the kind of jobs I had spent my entire working life working towards, the kind of roles I had always wanted, a vital facet of my own personal holy grail, I set myself up to lose. Add to this being stronger when dealing with the workmen who left my flat in a pigsty and dragged the work out, leaving parts unfinished, allied to a failure to force through the kind of rental income I wanted, and a clear picture is emerging.

 

Ruth Lessness too did not show her hand when I most needed her last autumn and she will be much in demand in the times ahead. However on Friday they both came out to party together, joining me as I made quite possibly the most ruthless decision I have made in all my 33 years, that to end a six year friendship and companionship of one of my closest friends. On Wednesday we had had a disagreement which caused him to terminate our Skype conversation in a rage, saying he did not want to see me again. He had done this before many times. I was not impressed. Fast forward to Friday. I had five friends booked to visit me that weekend, all Brazilians, including this particular friend. Two sadly could not make it for family reasons, however by Friday evening it did not matter. Another negative message from him and this time I decided enough was enough. I did it his way. By text. Our six year friendship over, just like that. After years of him continually threatening to remove me from his life I had called his bluff. I thought I would feel sad, remorseful even, but there was nothing, only a cold cold heart that seemed to finally have learnt how to deal with tough situations.

 

In hindsight I had little choice in the face of continued hypocrisy, lies, continued unwarranted criticism of yours truly and his failure to make the most of opportunities which I had created at great personal cost to help him move out of the situation he had created. In short Friday was the start of some long overdue pre-spring branch pruning time. And Friday 20 January will always go down in my life as the day I finally learnt to get ruthless. No emotion. No regrets. No comebacks. If you know me you are gonna have a hard time equating this post with the Paolo you love, but rest assured it is for the best and after 33 years it is high time.

 

Let’s be honest. I don’t hate the guy. I have changed and he is not able to. Three times he had promised to make a particularly big change in his life and three times he did not even try. This together with his hypocrisy made me realise the time had come to move on. Ruth Lessness was now my friend again.

 

 

Psalm

 

You are amazing. Don’t let any anally-retentive recruitment consultants or pompous HR Department (link to Art Department facebook page for irony) tell you otherwise. Our day out was one of the most fun days I have ever had and with a random person to boot and our shared connection one of the most surprising, not to mention intriguing, of my life. Small world! I have to go back to Sydney in 2001 for an experience of similar magnitude, now that’s showing my age 😉

 

Hurry up and get a job and come back to London dude. The Olympic Summer will be so much more fun with you!

 

 

Business is Business

 

So to finance. No this post is not about the economy, but that commodity which makes our world and our economy move forward in a positive direction. Let’s call it business. I have not been too good at business…so far. Multitude of past failures aside, including 2007’s share dealing debacle, the most recent example is not clarifying the rent agreement on my flat.

Whenever you rent a property or a room out you need to treat any agreement as business and business only. A good personal example is not being more forceful with my flatmate when increasing the rent, indeed not contracting him at a set amount for a given period. I will spare the details save this: I explained when he moved in the rent would stay at the amount we had agreed until the flat renovation works were complete. When we finally renegotiated instead of making it clear that the rent would go up to my desired amount, end of story, I let him get away with less, argh!

Well next flat I buy and do up the rent will remain at this level and then will go up after the renovations are complete. I do not want to be mean to my friend but business is business. I am learning.

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