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Week ending 15 January 2012

January 15, 2012

FIVE THINGS I’VE LEARNT THIS WEEK

w/e 15 January 2012

Seal the deal

“He who dares wins”- David Stirling

When it comes to getting to know someone you like, this is the nost important part of the process, if that’s what we must call it! You need to nail them down for a drink before you a) Start to think and b) Start to fall for them. This pre-emptive strike policy gives you the added advantage of gaining a monopoly on their attentions quite possibly before anyone else – crucial as competitions are not ideal!

This is extremely important as it applies equally to potential friends and partners – follow-up is so important. It needs to be done fast, while the warm glow created by the shared enjoyment is still there, still inside you, still fresh in your mind. Those moments in the days after you meet someone you get on really well with can often be the most exciting days of your life, periods when all the usual little worries go out the window and are replaced by a strong sense of optimism.

Quite frankly it is easy to want to meet up with someone or a group to get to know them better and yet often quite hard to implement in practice, particularly when you meet them at a party and in the cold clear light of day the doubts kick in. Like “yes I got on really well but what are they like in normal quiet, downtime?”. So that is why you have to be courageous, trust your convictions, seize the moment, as you may not get another chance and even if you do, the special moment may have passed…

Bite that tongue!

After all that has been said, I still cannot resist the temptation to do that risky pisstake or make “enquiries”. I should, could, would have had all the good friends I ever wanted a long long time ago if I had been more careful with what I say. I have lost so many friends in the past through negativity and while that is no longer a part of my life, I still come up with stupid, crass comments and dig into issues, both of which so often backfire! This is pretty much the hardest lesson I’ve ever had to learn and yet after several attempts to change I still haven’t learnt it. It’s 2012 now, so the question is when this year will I finally seal this deal?! Looking at the evidence from the past week, the signs are that I have learnt my lesson, as there was only the odd slip-up or two but one or two slip ups with something so important is one too many! I welcome comments from you guys on this one as I think we’ve all got a lot of tales to tell on this front…

Don’t think too deeply…

… about anything to do with the people in your life. Any circumstance, any situation. This is going to lead to that killer of all passion, over-analysis. The events of the last four months have taught me so much about just how important this concept is, beyond doubt.

It is fine to analyse things, indeed it is often essential to use your brain’s inbuilt computer to feed some facts in and process them in order to make sense of a given situation. But what you don’t want to do, and indeed should never do, is delve into every little facet of evidence in your quest for an explanation. This will, from bitter personal experience, make you far more nervous about whatever it is that you are thinking about. Since last September this is what I have been doing far too often and it has cost me friends and may well also have cost me a relationship with a guy I really liked, someone who I get on with like a house on fire and whom with I share many things. By thinking too deeply and analysing even the smallest piece of information I formed a picture about the person – or should that be their persona. This picture fitted what I felt was what I wanted, but in hindsight, to some degree at least, I was just making the facts fit the jigsaw puzzle. This had the effect of making me nervous, which then made it so much harder to relax and communicate and thereafter any missed or unreturned call had a negative effect. So I had to learn the hard way…if this guy was to be collateral then I had to lose him to find myself and so it has proved….and now I am so much freer in this way, the clarity of thought I have unparalleled in my life, close to being truly free at last after 33 long years!

9.5 is the danger decimal – or is it 3.5?

After the events so far this year, we have now gone half way through the first month of 2012 and the cupboard is looking rather bare when it comes to potential suitors who are available and fitting the increasingly – ahem – rigid criteria. We are now less than two weeks away from what will be nine and a half years since I was last in a relationship. The date of this most unwanted anniversary is 31 July 2012, ten years on from that unforgettable evening when a tearful 24 year old me left Amboy crying in Sydney Airport’s departure lounge as I exited Australia for what would prove to be the last time after my two year travel trip. Serial dating polygamists look away now! Given that it often takes three months of dating someone before you can commit that means I have until the end of April before the relationship equivalent of a car’s fuel dial red light appears. So three and a half months to find someone who not only ticks most of the boxes, acts like the boy they are, likes travelling but who also can put up with me! Much improved I may be, but still…that is one tough ask. Well at least you can read all about it here and cheer yourselves up with a laugh at my expense and I mind not one jot! 🙂

Straight-acting? Gay acting?

A brief and rather random conversation yesterday has stuck in my head and shows no sign of abating. While walking down the street to a friend’s house after escaping the cesspit of trash masquerading as a nightclub that is Beyond in Vauxhall, I remarked to a friend I was with how “straight acting” the lads we were walking with were, particularly in the way they walk. Fired back at me was the line “But he’s not straight acting, look at him”, and yet I could barely see anything camp in the slightest. It made me think about the whole concept of straight-acting. What is the point behind it, why do we need to label people in this way, shouldn’t a boy just be a boy, and thus it is that gay people surely must get over themselves…. Well for the rest of the year and beyond I am gonna try not to use it. I think its use has run its course… Your view?

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